Ode to the Reaper / Butterflies / Stream of Consciousness
Clark S.
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These poems are excerpts from a collection I have been writing for a long time. Each poem has deep significance to me, and I can often recount the times in which I wrote them.
"Ode to the Reaper" explores the unusual theme of "loving death." It is short and simple, as the majority of my work is, but it has a more romantic theme than most of my other poems. I wrote it in one of my journals shortly after listening to "You Gotta Die Sometime" from Falsettos, a song that holds a similar metaphor. In it, the character (Whizzer) tries to come to terms with the fact that he is going to die very soon. He lusts for the reaper and decides he wants to go out with a bang. I decided to personify Death the same way. However, I replaced lust and dramatic passion with love and quiet acceptance. "Ode to the Reaper" is my own small acknowledgement that eventually, I will die, but that I hope it will be caring and warm. If I must be married to Death, then maybe he could love me.
"Butterflies" is deeply personal to me. I had wanted to write it for a long, long time, but I did not go through with it until very recently. It is a glimpse into one of my most dire coping mechanisms. Rather than being destructive, I try to choose to be creative. So, I draw butterflies on my arm, rather than scars. They fade quickly and don’t hurt, but they do scratch the itch I try not to feel. Sometimes, however, it doesn’t seem like enough. It was during one of those time in which I wrote “Butterflies.” That was enough. The poem is constantly comparing the two options, and eventually asks if either actually make me feel better. The switching perspective is meant to reflect my own inner dialogue, which often feels like two or more voices arguing and questioning each other. It ends bluntly, and contrasts the slightly hopeful feel of the previous poem.
“Stream of Consciousness” is, in a sense, the climax of all my poems. It delves into the idea that nothing we write is original, but that we must continue writing anyway. It lives up to the title in two different ways. First, it really is a stream of consciousness. It is a refined rambling that is meant to sound almost hysterical. When I performed it live, I found myself screaming and bouncing around, completely unplanned. Second, it opens with a simile comparing the poetry to a river or stream. This makes the title a pun, as mentioned in the poem. Towards the beginning, I claim to have stolen one of the previous lines?that is true. I took it almost directly from a poem I read briefly that was also about poetry, but was much more hopeful. I immediately jump to self doubt and an allusion to the story of Hades and Persephone, a favorite myth of mine. The “pomegranate poem” directly reflects the pomegranate Hades gave Persephone. Each seed she ate kept her trapped a month in Hell. I used this metaphor to create a sense of loneliness and helplessness, and to show that I feel trapped in my own writing. The poem ends with a steep descent into madness and the sudden realization that I am in complete control of my work. Despite the self-doubt, the claustrophobia, and the lack of originality in my work, I control this world. “Convention” is made up. Why can’t I be the one to define it? The ending is hopeful, but desperate.
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Through writing, I am able to turn my thoughts and feelings into something solid and meaningful. It gives me an outlet for my creativity and allows me to try and connect with the world better than I would on my own.
CONTENT WARNING: This artwork contains or explores content that touches on any of the following topics: abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, verbal); aspects of psychology and mental health and contains depictions of self-harm, substance abuse, eating disorders, or suicide; swears or curses; hurtful or hateful language; discrimination (race, color, national origin, religion, sex, gender identity, pregnancy, disability, sexual orientation); aspects of pregnancy; blood, violence, assault, kidnapping, trauma, or dying. Please read or view with care.
